So I told my wife the other day, “This new scale you got me is awesome. Not only can I track my weight, but I can finally measure how much I poop thanks to this diet.”

She looks at me kind of impressed and goes,

“Wait... so you weigh yourself before you go to the bathroom, then again after, and the difference is... your poop?”

And I’m like, “Oh... yeah... I guess that would’ve been smarter.”